There’s a lot of pressure to be had during wedding planning.
Once the initial excitement wears off, it starts to dawn you that some people feel they have a right to input for a variety of reasons. Family, friends and coworkers are the obvious culprits but then there’s the "Wedding Industrial Complex" (magazines, blogs, etc), which you are going to for guidance. Sometimes though, they can make you feel like you’re missing out or worse, feel post wedding regret for not following this or that trend.
What can you do to keep that pressure at bay and still enjoy the planning process?
Wedding Regrets and How to Avoid Them
Regret #1: Your Family/Friends/Partner made “suggestions” that didn't line up with your “vision” but...you went along with it
- Solution: Talk with your partner (early and often) -
[Family is great though!}
Over the next few months people are going to start telling you, apropos of nothing, how important communication is to your relationship.
First of all, of course it is, it really goes without saying.
Second, in this instance, it’s particularly good advice.
Family dynamics or certain obligations to friends, may not be familiar to you at this point but are possibly important to your partner to uphold. Other things, not so much. Determining what you both can stand firm on together (especially when you’re discussing these things with family without them) is important.
If you’ve already decided on something before hand it’s much easier to politely decline, than if you’re caught off guard by a well meaning suggestion that doesn’t quite fit with your big day. You may be surprised about what you learn is important to your partner. (Especially with guys - they have wedding dreams too!)
Regret #2 - You Were A Teeny Bit Disorganized
(and didn’t do that thing you wanted to do, and now you think about at least once a month and will continue to do so for years to come. No this isn’t personal stop looking at me like that.)
- Solution: It’s 2018 - There’s an App for That! -
We are so far from the days where a bride’s only arsenal was a wedding binder and a prayer.
With the advent of technology, there are so many more resources for planning these days!
Today even people who aren’t engaged have a Pinterest board for their non-existent wedding. Why shouldn’t you? Pinterest becoming available around when I was getting married was pretty advantageous as to keeping my ideas together visually (although I did still have the binder - in true millennial form - I’m a traditionalist.)
My favorite thing is having secret boards. Don’t want everyone to see what you’re planning? Pinterest has got your back so you can share your ideas with who you want and keep the mystery alive by keeping out who you don’t.
Another helpful one stop shop is Zola.com. While I initially thought it was just a great option for your wedding registry, as it allows you to register at a variety of places including experiences and funds (more on that later), it also has other tools like a wedding website and guest list organization. I love a good spreadsheet, really I do, but they provide options that are a little more aesthetically pleasing while keeping your ducks in a row. Now, if you’re trying to decide on a cake option, I can’t recommend a well developed spreadsheet enough but if you’re trying to keep track of your RSVP’s? Zola may be more helpful.
Make sure you’re checking out your app store for organizers, for your on the go, to-do list needs. You may find something just perfect for your planning. Do you have a favorite app or tool you're using to aid your wedding planning? Let us know!
Regret #3: Your Friends are Distant Now
- Solution: Take a Time Out -
[Friendship is also magic!]
While you may actually be enjoying your wedding planning, don’t forget that there is life outside of wedding world.
Your big day is about you but you don’t want to end up self centered, self-pitying, or worse, altogether selfish.
Meet with your friends and try not to talk about weddings. Try to reconnect and see what's going on with their lives. You probably need a break more than you know. All that planning can get overwhelming! You probably need a break more than you know.
One of the biggest regrets you could have after a wedding is losing a friend.
So chill with wedding inspo and call up a pal: It’s good for you!
Regret #4: You Didn't Do XYZ Because You Were Worried What People Would Think
- Solution: Embrace Your "You" and Let Go of Taboo -
If nothing else, Elsa gave you, me, and your 10 year old niece, the gift of letting go.
Specifically: Fear of Judgement.
Maybe you and your partner are nerdier than you let on and you want to walk in with some Lightsabers: Do it!
Maybe you want to reenact the dance scene between John Travolta & Uma Thurman from Pulp Fiction,
or the dance scene between John Travolta and Olivia Newton John from Grease,
or the dance scene between John Travolta and two paint cans from Saturday Night Fever: Do it!
Maybe, though, you just want to do something that you worry might be a bit taboo.
For example, even a few years ago, we considered using a registry site like Zola. It would have made things so simple to just have everything in one place, or even help fund some fun things to do while we were on honeymoon. However, we were worried what people would think. Isn't that just like asking for money? What if people think some of the stuff we're registering for is weird or silly?
Looking back on it now though, I was the one being silly. Having everything in one place would have been so much easier and the people who didn't feel any particular way about supporting some fun things we wanted to do, would have had no problem with it.
That being said, talk it over. Of course you don't want to offend any one, but don't miss out on things you might enjoy just because of what you think people might think. At the end of the day, no one's going to care if you registered for a bunch of Legos. (Except me I guess, I don't remember who's wedding this was, but congrats on doing you.)
Conversely, you may see a trend or wedding style that everyone's doing. Don't feel pressure to apply it to your wedding, just cause it's in the zeitgeist, you'll thank yourself later.
Regret #5: You Don't Love Your Photos
- Solution: Give Us a Call! (Ha! I'm just kidding...sort of) -
OK did you think we could talk about wedding day regret without talking about photography?
It’s literally what we do best and unsurprisingly a huge part of your wedding. Why?
"When you're planning, it's important to think about the wedding day itself, but also afterwards," says Jennifer Spector, Zola's Director of Brand and Newlywed-at-Large. The same article cites a whopping, “22 percent wish they'd spent more” on their photographer.
(It’s an interesting read if you’re looking for help prioritizing:
Newlyweds' Biggest Spending Regrets After Their Weddings )
That being said, after your wedding, your pictures are the most tangible evidence that your wedding was the most killer party of the year...I mean, a beautiful manifestation of love. Once it’s over, it’s over, and there’s no redo for those special moments. It’s important to make sure you vet your photographer fully to be sure you get the most out of your investment.
It’s not just about the pictures they take either. How do they interact with you? It’s easy to say “Smile!” and hope that you don’t look stiff but if your photographer makes you feel at ease, it definitely shows in your pictures. Although, that’s not to say, style isn’t important. Some photographers take a more traditional approach to their work while others like to get more candids. See if they have any examples from the venue you will be using, to get an idea of how they work in the space.
It may seem like everyone has a cousin who does photography, but when push comes to shove, you don't want to end up with a bunch of images you don't love and a handful of regret.
Want to take the guess work out of your photography choice? Don't be shy! Give us a call. We make sure all of our brides feel like rockstars. That's not your thing? That's ok! That's why you meet with photographers and see what clicks. However we can't help but hope you click with us!
Click here to make an appointment with us and see if it's a good fit!